i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
