I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
