you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
