Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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