Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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