Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
