Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
