We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
