now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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