We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
