the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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