Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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