Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
