i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
