Having a random hookup so left but love u
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he thought i was a dude.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
