I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
