just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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