that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
