Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
