I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
