I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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