what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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