her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
