I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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