East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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