I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
