well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
