I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
