I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
