i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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