Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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