My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
