i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
