There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
