I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
