I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
