omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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