Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
