The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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