cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
