Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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