I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
