I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
