I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
