Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
