Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
