it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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