Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
