if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
