It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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