we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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