Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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