He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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