so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
