So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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