my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
