mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
