Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
