In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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