You just made me feel so damn special
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
