Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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