i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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