I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
