Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
