Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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