i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
