I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
