There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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